HPL$TIM - "tHe-PLate-STone-IMagers"

About a millennium after the creation of The Turtle-of-Two-Bowls, fired earthenware was old news. The latest and greatest medium-of-the-moment was called "Plate-Stone."

Crafty clown-priests from the Tribe's literate class passed down the Written/Seen Torah (i.e. the Hand/Eye Torah) using state-of-the-art carving tools called Mallet and Chisel. The ubiquity of Plate-Stones in this period of history (about 5,100 years ago) suggests that this mode of Torah-transmission was the "Killer App" of the Age.

This is a good place to note that "tHe-PLate-STone-IMagers" is an English term that I use to approximate the original Hebrew spelling: HPL$TIM - "Ha-Pal-Shet-eem." Its more colloquial and Latin pronounciation is "tHe PaLeSTyn-I-aMs". Regardless of how one speaks of these amazing people, the fact remains that they produced many thousands of whimsical palettes, as exemplified by this small sampling from Petrie's Prehistoric Egypt:

Each of tHe-PLate-STone-IMagers probably carved their own palettes in fulfilment of a distinct ritual stage in their education and initiation into higher (teaching) levels of Tribal practice. Each of them probably used his personalized palette as a kind of personal Bible: upon its polished stone surface, the budding witch-doctor would mix for himself a concoction of thick, black eyeliner. He'd then apply it to his face and empower his eyes with Scorpion-Sight. Once suitably theatricalized, the young drag-queen would step up onto stage, and perform whatever memorized Torah-portion was appropriate to his initiation level. Meanwhile, his fellow initiates from the Tribe would delight in watching him make a spectacle.

Mighty Meta-Fish

In tHe-PLate-STone-IMage below, which I hereby name "Mighty Meta-Fish," keen-eyed Seekers will notice the deliberate placement of several other animals within the borders of Mighty Meta-Fish. Seekers will also easily locate a big round Eye-Hole at the centre of Mighty Meta-Fish, wherein the clown-priest's black eyeliner was mixed:

Let us now try to interpret the IMagery: Directly inside the brain of Mighty Meta-Fish, we find a much smaller fish, which can probably be interepreted as Fish-Self. Below Fish-Self is a standard BA-bird, which is easily interpreted as Father-ABH. Below Father-ABH is an alligator, who is interpreted as Grandfather-ZKR. On the far side of Eye-Hole is Mother-AMH and her twins. It appears to be a very basic family unit within the dual contexts of "Self" and "Tribe".

On its surface, this design might seem arbitrary and ridiculous. IMaginative Seekers, however, will see tHe-PLate-STone-IMages for what they are: endless iterations (i.e.corruptions) of T2B. In other words, the many stone palettes littered thoughout this archeological stratum of Egyptian graves should be interpreted as highly personalized drafts of The Book of Genesis. The narrative text was memorized and transmitted through the Oral/Aural Tradition (i.e. the Mouth/Ear Tradition) of Torah, while the glyphobet was transmitted via the pneumonc designs of tHe-PLate-STone-IMages.

ALHIM - God-Bull-the-Dual

Eventually, the technology of PLate-STone became so well developed, and the artisinal craft so flagrantly refined, that the carvings grew grotesquely ornate. Below is one particularly evocative fragment of PLate-STone that is unapologetically pornographic in its literal depiction of the Taurah in Action:

Side 1
Side 2
Torah Received
Torah Given

In the specimen above, Seekers will easily note the central placement of Bull-Rampant, known in Hebrew as "ALHIM", or God-the-Dual. To understand the significance of the moment depicted (i.e. to read it), we can triangulate our mental map using two familiar tools: the Old Testament and the New Testament.

Old Testament Interpretation: Proto-Judeans and Judeans alike will easily perceive in this PLate-STone the classic "Bar Mitzvah" rite. On Side 1, we see God-Bulls' covenant received from Father-Bull. Some years later, Side 2 depicts ALHIM's covenant passing deep into the innards of the Initiate's very own Son-Calf.

New Testament Interpretation: Those who call themselves "Christians" might perceive the exact same rite of passage taking place in a Greek-Passive/Greek-Active configuration. Like its Judean counterpart, this crucial tribal initiation rite is designed to transform a pubescent boy into an eligible Bachelor. (He in turn then transforms a pubescent girl into his new Bride.) Because we are reading this PLate-STone as though it were proto-Greek, Seekers are advised to understand the moment as "Christ-Nadzir" and "Christ-Triumphant," respectively.

The Fiction of King Narmer

Hapless Egyptologists have talked and written about a man named Narmer since the early 20th Century. They have referred to him as though he was once a real person -- a man whose exploits "unified Upper and Lower Egypt," and one whose iconographies suddenly consolidated the foundations of the mighty Egyptian Empire.

Narmer's influence is pegged to a moment that academics refer to as Dynasty 0 -- as though it all magically started with him. Such nonsense ends now.

I assert that King Narmer is a fictional character. His existence was originally postulated by well-meaning academics in the earliest years of modern Egyptology. Unfortunately, their ideas too-quickly coalesced around a narrow interpretation of the heiroglyphic "spelling" of a distinctive logo called Fish-Chisel:

But the reasoning by which this logo became the symbol for a man named "Narmer" was flawed. It was a reading that utterly failed to grasp the epic timescale upon which that particular icon had evolved. As a result, Egyptologists throughout the 20th century and into the early years of the 21st have largely accepted the interpretation of King Narmer as fact.

The word Narmer ought more properly be pronounced as "NOR-MAR." It operates according to the following two glyphs:

1) NOR, which is the Hebrew word-sound for "Youth," and is represented by the heiroglyph of a Fish-Self; and

2) MAR, which is the Hebrew word-sound for "Bitter," and is represented by the heiroglyph of a chisel. (It's also the source for the English word "mar," verb, to carve, pierce, or disfigure.)

Multiple attestations of the Fish-Chisel compound sound-sign seem to occur at roughly 3,100 BCE, and, as a result, scholars of Egypt have universally jumped aboard a rickety band-waggon called King Narmer. As it clods along, the next milestone it encounters demands that everyone aboard the band-waggon ought to figure out just what kind of person Narmer actually was. This begets an endless stream of theories to explain how exactly he managed to unify the entire Nile River valley (Upper Egypt) and Nile River delta (Lower Egypt) into a massive, awe-inspiring kingdom.

This rickety train of thought brings us, at long last, to the so-called "NarMer Palette":

Side 1
Side 2
Torah Received
Torah Given

Here we see the Oral Torah being transmitted from Speaker-Giver to Listener-Receiver. Rendered in an ancient and archetypal configuration, the storyteller "talks down" while the listener "sucks up."

Egyptologists might recognize this scene as the "Opening of the Mouth" Ceremony -- a time in which the throat of NOR-Fish-Self experiences repetitive MAR-Piercings, all of which end with a little squirt of Bitterness.

Proto-Judeans might conceivably interpret this moment as "QIN and his brother HBL".

Proto-Christians might recognize in this ritual practice a beloved action-verb called "First Communion."

On the second register, we discover a schematic of the various Generations of Torah-Speakers. Each grade-level must ensure that the accurate text is Orally passed downward through different strata of initiates. This line of performers is to be understood as an extremely early depiction of ritualized theatre: the scene is representing an institutionalization and formalization of what were by then extremely ancient Satyr plays.

Note that the youngest of the novice drag queens are hoisting their elementary ideas over a wall toward an audience that appears to be decapitated. Disciples of the theory of King Narmer interpret this as a scene of violence, representing the king's military conquest over his enemies. This is a typically literal and unimaginative interpretation that lacks not only intelligence, but, more egregiously, a healthy sense of humour. Sensitive readers will understand it as a depiction of the Uninitiated: those with their heads up their asses.

In the third register, just below the Satyr plays, we see expressed the "Taming of One's Loins" that comes with the wisdom of priesthood. In the hollow of these two Lion-Thighs appears our familiar Eye-Hole, in which the clown-priest mixed and applied his Scorpion-Sight. Armed with such knowledge, the priesthood oversaw an annual theatre festival that probably took place on or around the September Equinox (also known as R$ H$NH, "Head-of-the-Snake").

At the very lowest register, Seekers will recognize the familiar and ancient logo of Bull-Rampant. Indeed, it is our old friend, ALHIM, God-the-Dual, enacting his eternal verb, the Taurah.


This particular PLate-STone (formerly called "Narmer's Palette", but now more properly understood as "Goliath") is indeed a magnificent work of art. It is without question a masterpiece from the era of tHe-PaLeSTyn-I-aMs. But, like all of the other ceremonial palettes carved at the time, it is a copy of a copy of a copy -- a centuries-old corruption of a long-lost earthenware original. And all of tHe-PLate-STone-IMagers who lived at this time were depicting the most basic practice that they all understood to be obvious and common among them: the Torah.

The Morphic Fish

To prove conclusively that King Namer is indeed a fiction, I direct the Seeker's attention to the upper-most registers of the Goliath PLate-STone.

At these top-most levels, we see on Side 1 that between two bull-heads there is a castle with a logo in it, and that logo is a little NOR-MAR. Similarly, on Side 2, the Seeker will observe that the logo itself (including the castle) is bigger, and exists between its two bull-heads just above another seemingly redundant occurance of NOR-MAR.

A little NOR-MAR on Side 1, and a big NOR-MAR just above a naked NOR-MAR on Side 2:

Side 1
Side 2
Torah Received
Torah Given

This small-to-big metamorphosis relates to the fact that this palette, like all others from the same archaeological era, is based on the legendary and nuanced images contained inside The Turlte of Two Bowls.

Let us now compare the above PLate-STones with T2B. Keen-eyed Seekers will focus on the inside convex part of the U-Bowl. Doing so may eventually reveal a beguiling combination of IMages that can best be described as a little Fish-Spear inside a 4-legged L-Bowl (left), and a big Fish-Spear inside a 4-legged L-Bowl (right):

Observe that both the small Fish-Self and the big Fish-Self share the same Spearpoint.

And, as preserved in both Mighty Meta-Fish and Goliath, T2B features a naked Fish-Self swimming just behind the face of big Fish-Spear:

In the full-image U-Bowl (above right), Seekers should pay particular attention to the alligator (Grandfather-ZKR), the central Scorpion (which will evolve into the Eye-Hole that mixes Eyeliner to give Scorpion-Sight), the anthropomorphic bird-like creature (Father-ABH), the trio of birds behind it (Mother-AMA and the twins), and the several developing Fish-Selves that swim throughout the mental waters of the U-Bowl.

Compare once again all of the IMages from T2B, above, with those that appear a millennium later on Mighty Meta-Fish:

On the basis of such evidence (namely, a 1,000-year span of time between various artefacts depicting the exact same word logo, "Fish-Spear"), I conclude that the theory of King Narmer is dead. I do not believe King Narmer ever existed as a real human being.

Instead, I propose that this morphic Fish-Spear is a far more complex logo that represents two distinctive time-scales:

The little Fish-Spear depicts the Generations of Ishmael, Son of Abraham.

The big Fish-Spear depicts the Generations of Isaac, Son of Abraham.

One Final Palestinian Corruption

Just to drive the point home, here is yet another famous PLate-STone draft of the Bible, from about 3,100 years "Before Christ." This one is known in academic circles as the "Seven Cities" Palette:

Side 1
Side 2
Torah Received
Torah Given

The lowest register is an idyllic time called childhood, which is spent in the Garden. Note the serpent lurking at the far right.

Next register up is Noah and the deluge of words and pictures that begin to flood the mind of Fish-Self.

The register above Noah is interpreted as the Children of Noah, and above that, on the topmost register, we see the Generation of Shem.

Just like the palette of Goliath, the medium of PLate-STone itself is the Generation of Terah -- the eternal, unchanging God-Bull upon which all else is created.

The "Seven Cities" depicted here can also be seen as seven Fish-mouths needing to be fed. Each of these Fish-mouths must be MARred by a Spear-Chisel-Hoe, and each of these Phallus-Metaphors is to be wielded by the appropriate storyteller.

Each NOR-Church must receive its designated Seed-Text according to its Generation.

Inside each of the Mouth-Churches are earlier, more fundamental ideas and metaphors. These are the basic canon of the primary-school glyphobet. They were put there during the years depicted on Side 1.

The idea is to seed a Fish-Self's mouth with foundational lessons that allow the Torah to have its desired effect in the mind of each initiate during the crucial "Bar Mitzvah" rite.

Noteworthy about the Seven Cities palette is what's missing: observe that above Side 2 are the remnants of some feet, from a portion of the PLate-STone that is now lost. I suspect this IMage would have been a predictably archetypal scene whose origins were somewhere on T2B. Further, the three cities on the upper left have lost their storytellers, and it's hard to IMagine what those IMages might have been.

But we can certainly try...

A Glyphobetic Index to Genesis

Faithful Seekers will indulge me this one last thought experiment, in which I'll use the palette of Goliath to postulate a rudimentary map to the Generations of the Bible, as they are to be Given. Recall from Goliath Side 2, our schematic of the ancient Satyr plays:

And now, allow me to offer up some suggestions about what could have been portrayed on the Seven Cities. I've "reconstructed" the missing storytellers, and rearranged their order to achieve a rough concordance with Goliath. Finally, I have suggested their possible Generational constructions:



Book of Adam

Ishmael | Isaac

Heaven and Earth



The House of David

Seekers are invited to contemplate the amazing heterodoxies with respect to how stone-carving artists of the time depicted their shared mind-metaphors, and formalized the symbols for the ancient ritual practices that existed in common among them.

But such heterodoxy ultimately led to squabbling about who among tHe-PLate-STone-IMagers was depicting the ultimate Torah-Truth. The quest for orthodoxy and standardization of Glyph-Gods probably engendered a great deal of friction among the various Tribes who lived along the Nile. Each local priesthood likely competed to be recognized as the most authentic custodian of the One True Way. In reality, none of them were: the golden age of The Turtle of Two Bowls was long gone.

But that didn't stop the various Tribes of God-Bull-the-Dual to claim their ultimate superiority over all the other Tribes of God-Bull-the-Dual.

What none of tHe-PLate-STone-IMagers could have predicted, however, was the advent of a brand new technology: Paint on Papyrus. This new method of transmitting the Torah would prove to be far more flexible, agile, and dextrous than old-fashioned stone-carving.

Imagine all those crusty old stone-carvers, whose ancient technology lacked the versatility and adaptability of a fast-moving art-form in which a single, painted dot could transform a blocky, unresponsive "DUD" into a supple and vowel-pointed "DAVID." The stone-carvers were a dying breed: their days were numbered, and they would soon be superceded by an upstart generation of scribes who used plant-matter instead of stone. Eventually, the evolving priesthood would bury all the strange gods of its forefathers. The vast inherited libraries of the past would be migrated into a brand new format. The graven glyphobet would fall out of fashion, and would be replaced by the painted glyphobet.

By the time this happened, The Book of Genesis was already several thousand years old, and its origins were long-forgotten.


Sir Richard Wadd, Paleographer

Shawn Postoff
Shawn Postoff as Sir Richard Wadd
Photo credit

May - October, 2019 > TURH > HPL$TIM